Hey! Overlook Anthology has moved...

...to my site:

www.mandyratliff.com

See you there...

Room 483: America's Next Top Model

Courtesy of Wikipedia

Cycle 15, kids!  And I've watched every single one.  


Every.  Single.  One.  

I'm not proud.  Really.  But it's high time I admit it and share the love with all of you.  (Side note: I rail against Twilight and all that it stands for so I do realize that the stone in my hand should be set down.  But sparkly vampires?  Come on!)  ANTM is so oddly fascinating.  And so weirdly comforting in its cycle after cycle sameness: Auditions, makeovers, runway show, acting lesson, media skills, commercial, "We're all going to ________!", Cover Girl shoot, Final Runway Show, winner.   With a dash of Tyra-mail, Mr. Jay and Miss Jay.  


But!  As Tyra Banks touted at the beginning of tonight's premiere, this season is different.  Like High Fashion Different!  No more Seventeen magazine covers.  This time it's an Italian Vogue spread.  Which means that every episode is guaranteed to include the phrase "high fashion".   And try this fun game: take a drink whenever Tyra insists that they've "raised the bar".  


So how different was tonight's episode?  Well, for one it was in Palm Springs.  (Which screams high fashion, right?)  They grouped the girls in types and had a walkoff.  First to go were the quirky girls then the sexy ones, then the gals with strong bone structure.  And then I guess they ran out of ideas so they finished up with the blondes and the brunettes.  


So how the same was tonight's episode?  The models:  The bitchy brunette.  The "I'm above all this" alt girl.  The one(s) who like to start drama.  The one(s) who get in others' faces.  The few that are single moms.  The truly awkward girl that every one will say is really awkward and has no social skills.  And of course, the one from a small town that will say, "We don't have this in [insert small town name here]".  Oh, and there's the girl that insists on rapping for some reason.  And tonight, there were two of them! 


Special mention should go to the ritual of the girls walking into the interview room, covering their mouth and saying, "Oh my God! Tyra! I love you!"


You have to watch now, right?  Before you make your decision, let me quote one of the models tonight:  "I don't like semen on my hands."  Gold.  

Amenities of Room 483: Height requirement.  Extra tissues for Tears of Joy.  Mirror for practicing Smiling With Your Eyes.  

Room 807: It's All About The Lincolns

I've been on four business trips in my life.  All for the exact same conference.  And each time the hotel has been on the tad bit fancy side.  Like Four Pillows To A Bed fancy!  The nice, businessy and/or resorty, conference-centery hotels were in Toronto, Tucson, Nashville and now Washington DC.  (Side note: Technically not DC proper.  More like National Harbor, MD, the Town-Formerly-Known-As-Oxon Hill.  Just saved maybe one of you some grief if you're thinking of plugging "National Harbor" into an old GPS.  Wait.  Old GPS?  I thought those were called maps.  Hiyoooooo!  Thank you, I'll be here all week.  Because I fly out Friday.)

Last night some of my co-workers and I took a lovely, humid, accidental mosquito-ingesting tour of the Lincoln Memorial.  Give it up for Abe:

We listened to a Park Ranger do an interesting, rote speech about Lincoln while ignoring the loud-whispering woman trying to get her eye-rolling kids to pose for pictures in front of a column next to him.  The kids were getting annoyed with her because they wanted to listen to the guide.  I liked those kids. 

Amenities of Room 807: Historical Society Pamphlet Fans.  Doors Without Numbers.  Swampside Suite.

Room 361: "Is it hot in here...or is it just me?"

I lived a cliché last Friday afternoon.  

I was at a lovely Beverly Hills mansion for a work-related lunch.  I mention the "Beverly Hills" and "mansion" part not to impress but rather to set the unlikely scene for the events that unfolded...or revealed themselves, as it were.  

We were sitting at tables on the lush patio, chatting about how this will never be our life when the gabbing was interrupted by a male voice saying, "Excuse me, everyone."  Now I will try to describe my thought process as I looked up at the speaker.  That man is someone I don't know.  That man is wearing a fireman's hat.  That man is saying something about a birthday.  Oh no.  No way.  That man is a--  As that last phrase was forming in my head, a gay co-worker obviously thought the same thing I did.  But he had a slightly different take which was, "Take your shirt off."  And that man did.   In fact, he did the ole rip-the-t-shirt-open bit.  And breakaway pants!  And since this was a semi-fancy affair, that man wore tight, white briefs.  No thongs, thankfully.  But clingy, nonetheless.  So clingy that I didn't really see the need for the red suspenders that were attached to them.  Yes, that man had the talent to rip his blue t-shirt down the middle and taaa-daaa his jeans without taking his suspenders off.   Because they were attached to the briefs.  That man used those suspenders as a prop to gyrate suggestively over my poor co-worker who was concurrently blushing and threatening revenge.  And thankfully for all our sakes, the briefs stayed on.  (Side note:  before you ask, he himself was not "brief".  If you get my meaning.  His other job, come to find out, is modeling underwear for a questionable catalog.  And I don't know for sure if it's questionable.  I merely say that because I don't recall seeing "briefs" of that non-brevity in the JC Penny catalog.)  

I would now like to state that all of my observations happened within a few seconds because I recall spending most of the time looking at my plate of chips and salsa.   Oh, I did also look at the other horrified expressions of my tablemates.   Well, not all were horrified.  Some were just plain shell-shocked.  And some had cameras.  I just couldn't believe that it was really happening.  And I was slightly disappointed at the lack of imagination.  A fireman?  Really?  We work for a non-profit.  Couldn't that man at least dress up as a trustee of a foundation?  "Hello, I would like to make a donation..."  Boom chicka bow bow!

Amenities of Room 361: View of Well-Manicured Gardens. Fine Silverware and Crystal Glasses. 100-Foot Fire Hose.

Room 442: 11:30pm On A Saturday Night

There's not much on TV.  When you don't have cable.  Here's the rundown:

Rerun of Saturday Night Live with Drew Barrymore.  I've seen it already so I'll move on. 

TMZ with video of Kid n Play talking about Mel Gibson.  Megan Fox kissing a dolphin.  And a really annoying voice over guy.  So annoying that I have new respect for Tom Bergeron's voice overs on America's Funniest Home Videos.  

Oprah rerun with Kirstie Alley.  I'm always a wee bit disappointed when Oprah isn't doing a self-helpy episode.  But thank goodness it's not a depressing one.  I once turned over and she was interviewing a guy whose mother used to whore him out to strange men.  And he was like ten.  So Oprah likes to renew our spirit but first she wants you to loathe humanity.  

Ad for ThermoSpas.  It's a rectangular hot tub that has super current jets on one end so that you can "swim in place" for exercise.  Looks like there's even a treadmill? in it so that you can walk in water.  And of course, two captain chairs moulded into the fiberglas with massage jets.  Fits twelve adults!  

The Wanda Sykes Show.  On right now is Tim Bagley.  He is a Groundlings alumni who used to be on Will & Grace and was once on my flight from New York to LA.  

CSI New York.  There's a corpse hanging from the ceiling with a game of Hangman painted on the wall.  Gary Sinise says, "Give me some time and I'll fill in the blanks." Cue The Who! 

And cue me turning off the TV and going to bed. 

Amenities of Room 442: Complimentary O Magazine.  Whirlpool tub. Broken remote control.

Room 572: Sorry, We're Full

Twice this week a piece of random trivia dislodged itself from my brain and came out of my mouth (or typing fingertips in one case).  A few days ago, a friend revealed in a Facebook status that she was watching the film Don't Tell Mom the Babysitter Is Dead.  And I commented, "I'm right on top of that, Rose!" which is a quote from the movie.  (I believe I also added some remark about hopefully freeing that quotation from my mind forever.)  Now at this point you may be saying to yourself, "I've never heard of that movie" or "Oh yeah, it sounds familiar" or "Why on earth do you know a quote from that film?"  All legitimate thoughts.  Honestly, I have a perfectly sound reason why I remember "I'm right on top of that, Rose!"  A former co-worker wrote it on a post-it and put it in my datebook.  So I saw it almost every day for the better part of a year.  That explains the Christina Applegate circa 1991 groove on my cranium.

But the second bit of random trivia, I have no explanation...


The next obscure trivia incident happened a mere three hours ago.  My brother and I went to see The A-Team movie.  (My one line review: It was dopey and ridiculous and I enjoyed it.)  As we were leaving, we discussed the tv show.  He said he watched the first season and hey, wasn't there a female character on the show?  I responded with, "I don't think I watched many episodes and I think she was a reporter of some kind."  Hold on!  That's not the moment I'm talking about but that comes close, right?  If I didn't watch the show much and I was little at the time, how do I know that the female was a reporter?  (Oh my God.  So today's incident is not just one thing but a series of things.  Like an A-Team dam busted in my head...)  Anway, here's the real crazy thing: I then said to my brother, "Wasn't there a different guy that played Face at first?"  "What?  No!  It was always Dirk Benedict."  "Dude, I think you're wrong.  I don't why but I really think someone else played him in the pilot."  Cut to about a half hour later at my brother's apartment. Internet fired up.  He types in "Face. A-Team. Pilot."  First result is the Wikipedia page for "Templeton 'Faceman' Peck".  (Yes!  This '80s tv character has a Wikipedia page.  Existing for times such as these, I suppose.) Here's a part of the first two sentences of that entry: "...played by Dirk Benedict. Tim Dunigan played this role in the pilot episode..."  WHY DID I KNOW THAT?!?  And more importantly, what didn't make it into my head because space was occupied by that? (And I won't even go into when we looked up Melinda Culea who played the female reporter.  I could describe what episodes of Family Ties she was on. Sigh.)  


So basically what it comes down to is this: if I forget where I live, it's because that information couldn't stick due to space being occupied by knowing the events on Battle of the Network Stars.  


Amenities of Room 572: There are no vacancies at this time.

Image courtesy of Wikipedia

Room 225: One Day Staycation

I went to the Getty Villa in Malibu to play tourist on my day off.  There's an interactive area for kids.  Or for adults who envy kids' interactive museum areas.  Here you can decorate your own "Ancient Greek" vase. This was my contribution.  

Amenities of Room 225: Local Resident Discount. No age limit on Kids' Meals.  Indiana Jones Decor.