Room 831: Ms. Basswoman

Is it too much to ask to be Kim Deal? I mean, Kim Deal without the nicotine addiction or the (rumored) anger management issues? I'm actually one of those weirdos who got into The Pixies after getting into The Breeders, her followup band. But I do a lot of things backwards...I was a breech baby. Anyway, I want to learn to play the bass, by far the sexiest instrument. And before you ask, I would learn with and without pick. I will go both bass ways. Last year when I got my bonus, I earmarked it for an iPod and a bass guitar and amp from Target (you heard me. Is it weird that the idea of having bought my bass from Target kind of turns me on? I may even decorate it with a bull's eye sticker just to drive the point home). But I chickened out. I was overcome with the same feeling I got when I tried to buy Bop magazine as a preteen. I can't let strangers know that I think boys are cute! I likened it to buying porn. (Side note: which I did only once...a Playgirl...in college...for a friend...and the only reason I could do it was because my brother worked at Barnes & Noble and I delighted in embarrassing him so much so that it cured me of any embarrassment). So when I went to buy my bass I felt like I was buying porn. Because buying it would be displaying to the world an intimate part of me. And Lord knows, that can't happen!

Amenities of Room 831: Magazine rack for all my issues. Clean ashtray. And heavy curtains suitable for hiding.