So a few weeks ago, I recorded four Pledge Drive specials: Ten (something) to Happiness with Deepak Chopra, Your Warranty (or something like that) with Dr. Michael Roizen, Change Your Brain, Change Your Life with Dr. Daniel Amen and Detoxify Your Life (again, something like that) with Brenda Watson. (Side note: Even though I don't quite remember the names of these specials, I sure as shit remember what was said. I took notes! And I even had the geek-acy to show my co-workers these notes...somehow I was proud of them.) Anyway, so now, thanks to Deepak, I know that one of the keys to happiness (Ten Keys! That's what it was) is to "relinquish your need for external approval" (I typed that really well, don't you think?). And because of Dr. Roizen, I now know to get the wax out of my ears and floss. And according to Change Your Brain, Change Your Life, I shouldn't do heroin because it leaves gaping holes in your brain matter (Caffeine does, too, but I'm sure you're not surprised to learn that it is not as extreme as heroin. So just cut down to one Mountain Dew a day, okay?). All three of those guys mentioned detoxing. And that was Brenda Watson's whole production. She had her cute acronym RENEW! Reduce toxin exposure, Eliminate toxins, Nourish the body, Energize, Wellness. (I suspect the last two were fill-ins. She didn't like the sound of REN.) So what it boils down to is this: Brenda thinks I need to eat only organic foods, get an air-purifier, get water filters for sinks AND shower (I'll bet the water pressure with those is marvelous!), and watch what personal products I use. So no petroleum. formaldehyde, sodium laurel sulfate, phthalates, parabens, toxic metals, etc. in my moisturizer. Easy as pie, right? Not really, unless you like your pie filled with parabens. Parabens are like the High Fructose Corn Syrup of beauty products. (Side note: I blame Dr. Andrew Weil for freaking me out about High Fructose Corn Syrup. I now spend about ten minutes in the bread aisle trying to find a loaf without that crap. I think PBS is giving me OCD.) 
So because of those friggin' parabens being in my sunscreen, face wash, moisturizer, body wash, lotion, shampoo, conditioner and lip balm, I had to replace them all with Burt's Bees (now owned by Clorox but the website assures me that the ingredients are still the same old hippie stuff). My bathroom is now a Burt's Bees showroom. And I am all (or at least 98%) natural and on my way to toxin free. I just pray that the next Pledge Drive special isn't Shut Off the TV, Save Your Eyes! Amenities of Room 599: Complimentary gas mask. Note pad and pen. Room presented in part by the generous support of the Doris Duke Foundation.
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