For those of you not in the know (i.e. women under 25 and men), Oprah had a thyroid condition which in turn inspired her to have a series of "master classes" on how to live your best life. (She kept saying "Put yourself on your To Do list!" But weirdly, she did not say it on Friday which was the Sex 101 episode. I think she missed an opportunity there.) Monday was an interview with her and also her trainer Bob Greene about how she gained a bunch of weight back (Hello Thyroid!). Tuesday was Dr. Oz. He told me to avoid High Fructose Corn Syrup (way ahead of you!), know your resting heart rate (way behind you!) and sleep. Oh, and walk 10,000 steps a day. So of course, I had to get out the pedometer.
Yes, I own one. It was given to me as part of a work conference welcome packet. (Hey, it was better than the weird smelling plastic bottle we got the year before. Can water really be made to be unappetizing? Yes, in that bottle.) I clipped the pedometer to my belt and went about my day. I walked 7443 steps. So I'm guessing that I got about a B on that exam. I'm fine with that. I don't need to march in place at my desk for eight hours. I'm not an overachiever. Wednesday was all about Spirituality. The panel was some spiritual lady who has an Oprah & Friends show on satellite radio, one of The Secret guys and some priest from Pasadena. He hasn't written a book so I'm not sure how he got on Oprah's radar. Anyway, I tried to really tune into what they were saying but every time they showed The Secret guy, I couldn't help but think he looked like Predator. Kind of hurled my spirituality out the window.
Thursday was Suze Orman. I have to admit that I've seen her show on CNBC. The SNL parody is pretty dead on. She says things like "OK Boyfriend, show me the money!" and "Girlfriend, what do you want to buy?" And people call in to ask her if they can afford to buy things. For instance, maybe some "Girlfriend!" wants a Gucci bag at nine hundred crazy-ass dollars. Suze asks for her numbers and Girlfriend! starts with her take home each month, then her mortgage and then she says "And in credit card debt, I have..." And Suze says "DENIED!" And she will deny you every time if you have one cent credit card debt. But time after time, people try to get her permission and each time they are DENIED! I ask the TV, "Haven't you seen this show?" And seriously, you're an adult. Do you need a shoulder-padded TV host's permission to buy something? If you are severely jonsin' for that Gucci bag, buy it and suffer the consequences. Think for yourself!
Now if you'll excuse me, I must await further life instructions from Oprah...
Amenities of Room 630: Amenities tailored according to Debt to Credit Ratio. Plus a complimentary basket of fiber and omega-3 fatty acids.
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