Room 590: Warner Brothers Poster Issue #3

Warner Brothers Executives are probably thanking the Harry Potter series in their Now-I-Lay-Me-Down-to-Sleeps every night. Well, Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince opens this month. How do I know? Besides seeing the trailer on every channel and being a wee bit of a Potter nerd, Warner Brothers decided to help remind me by displaying a massive three storey poster at the intersection that I drive through everyday. Hermione and Ron are standing to the side with their Intense Look. Dumbledore is all wind-swept and leaning back like he was caught off guard. He has a “Whoa” look on his face. And Harry is pointing his wand at me, looking like he forgot something. (Side note: there is also a seven storey or so poster in Hollywood of the villains. The other night my friend and I drove by it and there was only one light on in the building: in Snape’s nostril. He has magical nares.) As I said before I am a Potter nerd in the light, recreational sense in that I’ve read the books (some maybe twice…or more) and I’ve seen the movies and have said “I can’t believe they cut out [insert subplot here]”. So I was excited to see the poster holding court over my hood.

On a related topic, today the same friend asked me out of nowhere if I was related to Daniel Radcliffe (AKA Harry Potter for those of you younger than a week old). Because of my affliction known as Say the First Smart Ass Thing That Comes To Your Mind, I said “Yes, we’re related. Ancestrally. Back around the time of William the Conqueror.” Which actually is not that smart-assy. It’s kind of true. My family were once Radcliffes. Apparently, when we came to America from England, we decided to drop some letters and change it up. You know, like the new girl at school who decides that now she can be who ever she wants to be and no one will know that she used to be on the math team! So it may be sad for Daniel to hear that we could never date because we have too many letters in common in our last names and our ancestors were cousins or something. It’s kind of like incest, isn’t? Or perhaps “Ancest”. (On my mother’s side is the Key family. Sorry, Francis Scott.)

Feel sad for me, too. I totally called it that Radcliffe would be cute when he got older. (I’m pretty sure I said this when the third movie came out. My brother insists I said it when the first one arrived at theatres. I answered this with five words: Natalie Portman In The Professional. OK? Don’t throw stones.) No need to be grossed out. I was just pointing out a fact. (Yes, it’s a double standard that women can recognize potential while men get an FBI file.) Need proof of Radcliffe’s potential? See Equus publicity photos. I saw them on the internet with an expression of intrigue and horror (“I can’t look away! But I should! And there’s a horse!”) OK, I’ll be honest: there was a moment when I thought jail was in my future. He wasn’t eighteen yet in those pics. And although apparently the legal age is sixteen in Britain, I’m American and so is my vagina and I must abide by eighteen.

Good night, Warner Brothers. Tease.

Amenities of Room 590: Family rate. Complimentary copy of Cougar Feed.