Room 1022: Random Earth Day Thoughts That Have Nothing To Do With The Earth

The current list of podcasts that I subscribe to:
This American Life – Ira Glass and his weirdly sexy Chicago staccato voice.
Real Time with Bill Maher – Salman Rushdie and Mos Def. And that’s just one episode!
Dr. Andrew Weill – New Age Holistic Santa Claus with a medical degree.
Rick Steves – A hero to all travel nerds. What would Rick do?
Coffee Break French – 15 minute French language tutorials taught by a Scotsman.

I hate the Multi Grain Cheerios cereal commercial: “What else does the box say?” “The box says shut up, Steve.” Yes, Cheerios. All women like to make men feel stupid. (But my all time most hated ugly-acting-woman commercial? The diamond ad: Woman tells man to shhhh after he yells “I love this woman!” But then he gives her a ring. Then she hugs him and whispers “I love this man.” Yes, ad, women only love men when they give us diamonds.)

I love nature movies but I always watch them with a sense of dread. See a beautiful gazelle lapping up steam water? Don’t get used to it. Hello, Leopard!

CG Chester Cheetah is kind of smarmy.

Oh, and please recycle!

Amenities of Room 1022: Menu with today’s special of fresh meat, cheese puffs and cereal. Human interest hotel directory. No HBO.

Room 647: Paranormal State

I love ghost stories but not enough to actually witness anything. You hear me, ghosts! I have read all about Resurrection Mary, the Bell Witch and the Brown Lady. I’ve even lived in a haunted house. Or so I’ve been told. I didn’t witness anything. (However, I would not use the hall that went by the attic door. Ghost related? Maybe. But I think it may have more to do with my friend Amy and I exploring the attic and pretending an axe murderer lived up there. Oh, kids and their childish games!) Really, only the series of community theatre actors that rented rooms in the house “witnessed” things. And by witness, I mean, heard footsteps in the upstairs hallway. One night when I was seventeen, I came home to find all the lights on in every room. I turned them all out and sat down to watch TV. Then Theresa, an actress/tenant, called and said “Mandy, are you home? I couldn’t stay there by myself.” She would also sleep with a knife under her pillow. Not that the knife would do much to a ghost. Or an attic-dwelling axe murderer for that matter. (Side note: Theresa was the first person I ever met who had fake breasts. In fact, she was so proud when she got them that she demanded that I feel them. That was my brief stint with lesbianism.)

And this brings us to Paranormal State on A&E. This is one of the few ghosty investigation shows (like the aptly named Ghost Hunters!). PS is centered around a guy named Ryan who, because of some childhood ghostiness, is obsessed with the paranormal. He formed the Paranormal Research Society at Penn State with some spooky-lovin’ friends. Ryan is earnest. His voice over introduction is so fabulously dramatic: “We are students. We are seekers. And sometimes, we are warriors.” Awesome.

So the PRS goes and interviews people who are having ghosty problems. They often bring in a medium named Chip (!) to give some insight. He’s also dramatic. His assessment usually ends with revealing that someone died there and they are not happy. The team then has “Dead Time” when they and all their electronic toys are monitoring the house. “Dead Time”, according to Ryan’s earnest voice over, is the time when paranormal activity is most prevalent. Say 3am to 4am. Usually the time when I have to get up and go to the bathroom. It’s good to know that I’m not the only one wandering around at that time.

So what happens during “Dead Time”? Well, there’s a lot of infrared camera work and a whole lot of “Oh my God! Did you see that?” (No, we didn’t. You were too busy shaking the camera.) But if you’re lucky, you might hear some demonic voices on a tape recorder or if you’re really lucky, a possession!

The house is then blessed. And then we get a postscript that the family members are now OK and haven’t had another encounter. And then Ryan has a closing earnest voice over where he earnestly unveils what he “learned” from this week’s case. Earnestly.

Boo!

Amenities of Room 647: Attic-less Suite. Special Dead Time wakeup call. Complimentary Room Cleansing.