I caved. My brother netflixed it. So technically I didn't cave; he did. I merely, out of sisterly love and duty, watched it with him and a friend so that they wouldn't have to endure it alone. That's what I tell myself so I can sleep at night. Would you like my one line review? "I am offended." Now I'm not a hardcore feminist. But there are things that don't sit well with me (I believe I've mentioned ad agency sanctioned stereotypes in cereal and jewelry commercials).
Twilight was way hyped to me (I'm looking at you, Entertainment Weekly!). I do admit to not disregarding some of the sources: i.e. nineteen-year-old interns at work. "Is it better than Harry Potter?" "Oh yes!" Even some of the twenty-five-year-olds I know loved it (yes, I know but I was hoping those few years since their teens made a difference in taste). Now before I go on my Twilight rant, I have to admit that I have not read the books. But a twenty-four-year-old intern did admit that they weren't that well written but had a great page-turning story. So the movie should be interesting, right? Perhaps, it should have tapped into the thirteen-year-old that still lingers inside me, right? I think even in eighth grade, I would have been outraged. Speaking strictly on the movie alone, here is why:
1. Mopey, passive, reactive heroine. Sorry, did I say "heroine"? I meant female character that we assume is the heroine except for the fact that she's uninteresting, borders on bitchy, is kind of cold to her new friends, and falls for a guy who is a dick to her at first and then a creepy stalker next. What a fun two plus hours watching someone I don't care about do nothing but pout and wait to be protected by...
2. Creepy stalker love interest. He acts like he's going to puke when he meets her and is rude to her. But, hey, that's intriguing! He then follows her, watches her while she sleeps, and then tells her she's his personal brand of heroin and he wanted to kill her. But he's a vampire so that makes it OK apparently. You know, he's the undead so it's not creepy, it's romantic!
3. Their oh-so-healthy relationship. She suddenly stops hanging with her friends when she and stalker boy start dating. She's OK with him being a vampire. She loves him instantly. And she begs him to make her a vampire at the end. I guess so that she, too, can sparkle like diamonds in the sun. Yep.
(Story aside, the movie drags. Enough of Bella and Edward in trees.)
And now I can't believe I'm going to type this but...is this the message to send to teen girls? I'm all for anything that gets people reading but come on, man. Weak heroines, just reacting and waiting? Behavior that most rational people would call the cops on but here it is to be considered passionate and sexy?
I haven't even mentioned the supposed abstinence/Mormon overtones. Do yourself a favor and rent the Buffy the Vampire Slayer series.
Amenities of Room 1017: Forest view. Morose cleaning staff. 24 Hour Surveillance.
