Room 555: Sex Pistols Babies

This popped into my head in the shower this morning. It's a theatre piece that I wrote a few years ago that was inspired by the Sex Pistols Wikipedia page and the Muppet Babies cartoon.

Sex Pistols Babies

Lights up on three men dressed as toddlers (training pants and all). Each are in possession of a toy musical instrument: Paul Cook has a drum, Steve Jones has a microphone and Wally Nightingale has a guitar. They are “jamming” to an old Rod Stewart tune. There is sign above their heads that reads: The Strand day care at the Let It Rock school.

A disembodied voice is heard…

Malcolm (v.o.): Hello, lads, welcome to “The Strand” day care. My name is Nanny McLaren. What’s yours?

Paul: Paul

Steve: Piss off.

Paul snickers.

Malcolm (v.o.): Steven.

Wally: And I’m—

Malcolm (v.o.): That’s nice.

Sign now reads The Swankers day care at the Let It Rock School.

Del Noone enters with a toy bass and sits down.

Steve: Who the hell are you?

Glen Matlock enters and takes the bass from Del and Del exits.

Wally Nightingale gives his guitar to Steve Jones and he exits.

Malcolm (v.o.): We have a new student. Johnny, come in…

Johnny Rotten enters wearing an “I Hate Pink Floyd” shirt and a big safety pin in his diapers. He grabs the mic from Steve and screams into it. Steve, Glen and Paul nod in agreement.

Malcolm (v.o.): You are going to be the next Bay City Rollers.

Sign changes to Sex Pistols day care at the EMI School.

Jam session of Anarchy in the UK.

Glen: Fuck.

Johnny: Shit!

Steve: Fucking rotters.

Giggles. Sign changes to Sex Pistols day care at (blank).

Jam session of God Save the Queen.

Johnny takes bass from Glen and pushes him. Glen leaves.

Sid Vicious enters. Johnny hands him the bass. They continue their jam. All look at Sid banging on the bass. Johnny shrugs. Continue the jam.

Nancy Spungen enters in a Communion-esque dress and sits by Sid.

Nancy: Sid!

She hands him some Pixie Sticks.

Nancy: Sid!

Sid eats the candy.

Sign changes to Sex Pistols day care at the A&M School.

Nancy hands Sid more candy. He eats them. Sid can barely play his bass. The others continue to play.

Sign changes to Sex Pistols day care at the Virgin school.

Nancy: Sid!

Johnny: Bollocks.

Paul: What?

Johnny: Never mind.

Jam becomes more intense. It then disintegrates into fighting.

Sign disappears. Silence.

Malcolm (v.o.): Steve. Paul. Come with me.

Steve and Paul exit. Nancy coaxes Sid off with more Pixie Sticks.

Nancy: Siiiiiiiiiiiddd.

Sid and Nancy exit.

Johnny is left alone.

Johnny: Ever get the feeling you’ve been cheated?


Lights out.

Amenities of Room 555: Play area for the kids. Inscrutable Emergency instructions.

Room 867: Morning Pages

Today was the first day of my The Artist's Way Morning Pages. I'm capitalizing Morning Pages because they are supposed to be so damn important. (Side note: did you hear that cynicism creep in? It's a constant competition between my new agey, spiritual side and my perpetually rolling eyes.) Anyway, I started the Morning Pages today and even though Julia Cameron tells me not to reread them, I thought I would reprint some of my gems from 8:15am this morning:

"Hands hurting. Need to use the bathroom. My mouth tastes nasty."
"Wonder if it's cheating to do Morning Pages after potty time."
"I love ellipses."
"Foot's falling asleep. At least my eyeballs are awake...kind of."
"Sorry, Universe, Morning Pages had to come with me to the toilet."

I fear a common theme will thread itself through each day if I don't give myself the permission to make the Morning Pages second on my daily To Do list.

Amenities of Room 867: En suite bathroom. Stream of consciousness TV Guide.