Room 622: Online Sudoku

I rarely opted for Sudoku in the past (Side note: somehow I want to pronounce soo-doo-koe and not soo-doe-koo. I'm sorry, I forgot to ask you if you cared). Mainly when at my mechanics when the local paper was the only viable reading option besides car magazines and Better Homes and Gardens (you know, for us gals!). I would do the crossword puzzle and then tackle the Sudoku. Mostly in an effort to appear engrossed in something as to avoid going out to lunch with the owner. Very nice man who pays for lunch (it's the least he can do since I shell out quite a bit of money to his establishment) although one time he did start massaging my shoulders and that was a wee bit creepy (not during lunch because it would be hard to chew with that going on but rather when I was waiting to get my car keys and flee). I was OK with the free lunch (obviously! Free. Lunch.) and the French song CD he burned for me (I know! A mix tape! I chalked it up to the holidays) but the rubbing of the shoulders? I've worked in many theatres and I'm not easily sexually-harassed but yeah: Weird.

Anyway, Sudoku. I also would do them on airplanes. I would get quite pissed if the ones in the in flight magazine in my seat back pocket were already done. But I would delight if just the "Easy" one was done. And in pencil. Amateurs! But as of late, I've found myself obsessed with online sudoku. Maybe it's because I know I'm being bad! Our IS department at work blocked some sites mostly ones with the word "games" anywhere on the page (killjoys). But the not-blocked realage.com has a section on Keeping Your Brain Sharp. Lo and behold, it contains online crossword puzzles and not one but TWO different versions of Sudoku. And one of the versions has four different levels of difficulty each day while the other increases in difficulty as the week goes (kind of like the New York Times crossword with Sunday being the hardest). Are you salivating? I am!

So now I have the daily ritual of doing online sudoku. In the comfort of my massage-free office.

Amenities of Room 622: Mandatory Spa Services. Complimentary lunch with staff. Word Find Emergency Instructions.

Room 398: Good Belly

Yet another product designed to make me feel good about my food choices (like the vegetable chips). And it's organic! Just pull the cap off and suck face with the Good Belly plastic cup:



And try not to think about the image of fruit juice oozing out of eyeballs.

Amenities of Room 398: Workout Room. Open Face Sandwiches for lunch.

Room 588: Warner Brothers Poster Issue #1

My neighborhood movie studio is Warner Brothers. My dog and I walk by a few of their buildings everyday. So when a new poster goes up, I go “Oh” and Mallory pees for the sixth time. Well one night, I turned the corner and was slapped in the face with the Orphan poster AKA New Creepy Child Movie. “There’s Something Wrong With Esther” is the tagline. Yeah, there’s something wrong: Esther immediately reminded me of the Shining Twins (I still wince at those bitches but they did inspire the name of this blog so it’s Love-Hate). The Big Head of Esther stares at you blankly while you pick up dog droppings. She even has the gall to reflect herself in the windows of apartment buildings just to make sure our walks are nice and uneasy. I’m happy to report, though, that I’m getting used to her and even imagine that she is the Poor Relations of the Grady Twins. Like they laugh at Esther and her singleness. Not that they can laugh since they only have the one emotion: creepy.

Amenities of Room 588: Pet friendly room. Mirrored closet doors. Special End of the Hallway Suite.

Room 589: Warner Brothers Poster Issue #2

The Time Traveler’s Wife poster went up. The movie comes out in August. I now only have until August to read the book.

Amenities of Room 589: No Bible. 24 Hour Ten Commandments Channel.

Room 590: Warner Brothers Poster Issue #3

Warner Brothers Executives are probably thanking the Harry Potter series in their Now-I-Lay-Me-Down-to-Sleeps every night. Well, Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince opens this month. How do I know? Besides seeing the trailer on every channel and being a wee bit of a Potter nerd, Warner Brothers decided to help remind me by displaying a massive three storey poster at the intersection that I drive through everyday. Hermione and Ron are standing to the side with their Intense Look. Dumbledore is all wind-swept and leaning back like he was caught off guard. He has a “Whoa” look on his face. And Harry is pointing his wand at me, looking like he forgot something. (Side note: there is also a seven storey or so poster in Hollywood of the villains. The other night my friend and I drove by it and there was only one light on in the building: in Snape’s nostril. He has magical nares.) As I said before I am a Potter nerd in the light, recreational sense in that I’ve read the books (some maybe twice…or more) and I’ve seen the movies and have said “I can’t believe they cut out [insert subplot here]”. So I was excited to see the poster holding court over my hood.

On a related topic, today the same friend asked me out of nowhere if I was related to Daniel Radcliffe (AKA Harry Potter for those of you younger than a week old). Because of my affliction known as Say the First Smart Ass Thing That Comes To Your Mind, I said “Yes, we’re related. Ancestrally. Back around the time of William the Conqueror.” Which actually is not that smart-assy. It’s kind of true. My family were once Radcliffes. Apparently, when we came to America from England, we decided to drop some letters and change it up. You know, like the new girl at school who decides that now she can be who ever she wants to be and no one will know that she used to be on the math team! So it may be sad for Daniel to hear that we could never date because we have too many letters in common in our last names and our ancestors were cousins or something. It’s kind of like incest, isn’t? Or perhaps “Ancest”. (On my mother’s side is the Key family. Sorry, Francis Scott.)

Feel sad for me, too. I totally called it that Radcliffe would be cute when he got older. (I’m pretty sure I said this when the third movie came out. My brother insists I said it when the first one arrived at theatres. I answered this with five words: Natalie Portman In The Professional. OK? Don’t throw stones.) No need to be grossed out. I was just pointing out a fact. (Yes, it’s a double standard that women can recognize potential while men get an FBI file.) Need proof of Radcliffe’s potential? See Equus publicity photos. I saw them on the internet with an expression of intrigue and horror (“I can’t look away! But I should! And there’s a horse!”) OK, I’ll be honest: there was a moment when I thought jail was in my future. He wasn’t eighteen yet in those pics. And although apparently the legal age is sixteen in Britain, I’m American and so is my vagina and I must abide by eighteen.

Good night, Warner Brothers. Tease.

Amenities of Room 590: Family rate. Complimentary copy of Cougar Feed.