Room 483: America's Next Top Model

Courtesy of Wikipedia

Cycle 15, kids!  And I've watched every single one.  


Every.  Single.  One.  

I'm not proud.  Really.  But it's high time I admit it and share the love with all of you.  (Side note: I rail against Twilight and all that it stands for so I do realize that the stone in my hand should be set down.  But sparkly vampires?  Come on!)  ANTM is so oddly fascinating.  And so weirdly comforting in its cycle after cycle sameness: Auditions, makeovers, runway show, acting lesson, media skills, commercial, "We're all going to ________!", Cover Girl shoot, Final Runway Show, winner.   With a dash of Tyra-mail, Mr. Jay and Miss Jay.  


But!  As Tyra Banks touted at the beginning of tonight's premiere, this season is different.  Like High Fashion Different!  No more Seventeen magazine covers.  This time it's an Italian Vogue spread.  Which means that every episode is guaranteed to include the phrase "high fashion".   And try this fun game: take a drink whenever Tyra insists that they've "raised the bar".  


So how different was tonight's episode?  Well, for one it was in Palm Springs.  (Which screams high fashion, right?)  They grouped the girls in types and had a walkoff.  First to go were the quirky girls then the sexy ones, then the gals with strong bone structure.  And then I guess they ran out of ideas so they finished up with the blondes and the brunettes.  


So how the same was tonight's episode?  The models:  The bitchy brunette.  The "I'm above all this" alt girl.  The one(s) who like to start drama.  The one(s) who get in others' faces.  The few that are single moms.  The truly awkward girl that every one will say is really awkward and has no social skills.  And of course, the one from a small town that will say, "We don't have this in [insert small town name here]".  Oh, and there's the girl that insists on rapping for some reason.  And tonight, there were two of them! 


Special mention should go to the ritual of the girls walking into the interview room, covering their mouth and saying, "Oh my God! Tyra! I love you!"


You have to watch now, right?  Before you make your decision, let me quote one of the models tonight:  "I don't like semen on my hands."  Gold.  

Amenities of Room 483: Height requirement.  Extra tissues for Tears of Joy.  Mirror for practicing Smiling With Your Eyes.